Answer Phone #1

Answer Phone messages everyone should try #1

"Hello. We're unavailable right now so leave a message if you'd like us to call you back. However, if you're trying to sell us something or are a claims company, please be advised that if you call again and we pick up your company will be charged £50 for every 30 seconds you waste our time. If you represent a PPI claims company this will be doubled per 30 seconds you waste our time and to all companies after every five minutes you waste our time this will double. Once the call is over we will bill your company. If you haven't got the message by now and you call anyway the amount will be tripled... Have a good day!"


J R A Gigney
26 March 2013

PS: Do you get the feeling I don't like Cold Callers? Muhahahahaha!!!

Beauty Defined?

How do you define beauty?
Is it a drop of water slipping down a window pane?
Is it the delicate veins of a leaf?
The shower of petals as the wind blows them from a tree?
The transparent wings of a mayfly?
How can it be defined?
Is a flawless pearl more beautiful,
Than the iridescent colour of a Dragonfly?
Or the eyespots on a butterfly's wings?
Who is the arbiter of beauty?
Can the ugliest be beautiful on the inside?
Is the truth more beautiful than a lie that makes someone feel better?
How do you define beauty?
Why do you want to?

Wha...?

The Leaning of Miff part XXXXIV 14 is a very interesting volume in the fact that it is listed in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (Panic Not) not under its alphabetical reference but under "totally irrelevant works of literature or loterature that never made the top one million best sellers list due to it describing the number of leans it takes to change a light bulb (meaning a bulb that is light in weight rather than a bulb that emits light either incandescently or flourescently)" which is itself listed under "Universes longest categories and other strange cinematic special effects that may or may not cause the viewing public to go 'ewww' at any given point whilst watching a movie containing the specified effect." This category itself is listed under its own category simply called "categories"... It's all rather confusing really...

Of course the original volume was included on an old Speak & Spell device and was thus rendered useless to the point of oblivion due to the lack of chips on the menu.

The latest volume has been transferred to the maximum security prison of Rura Penthe which is inside the boundaries of the Klingon Empire. It can still be accessed for a small fee of two Altairian Dollars (each coin being pentagonal in shape, and each side of the pentagon being four nautical miles in length and longth. Thus each coin is able to fit in specially tailored Tardis pants.)

This is, of course, all complete nonsense and must not be repeated to anyone who is deemed sane enough to understand a word of it...







This nonsense was brought to you by J R A Gigney on 7 March 2013