Noah Today

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said: "Once again, the Earth has become wicked and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
Along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
Start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a Building Permit."

"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the Neighbourhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 Years for me to finish this Ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."


This was sent to me by my friend Auntie G. from a friend of hers. Thanks Auntie G.
• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

The Return Of Little Finger

Little Finger wended his way,
Through the wildy woods.
He'd been on his own all of the day,
So he was in a good mood.

He'd stuck in the air that morning,
And put on his blue mortar board hat.
Then without care and no warning,
He went out the door just like that!

Little Finger was happy right now,
That he'd passed his finger diploma.
And he liked to relate just how,
He had passed without falling over.

Little Finger was wending his way,
Back to the rest of his hand.
Now that he'd won the day,
From his hand he was no longer banned!









• Dedicated to Amber the Dog

• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

It's the little things...

Some people don't realise,
That not everyone is good,
At doing the little things.

The little things that matter.
The hugs, the wishes, the greetings.
Some don't know how or when.

No one is perfect
No one can do everything.
Not knowing how or when to do the little things,
Doesn't mean they don't care...


• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

Now now now!

Now now now!

When you're a wee bit hypertensive,
Take it as easy as you can.
Don't do anything health expensive,
Try to have a hypertension ban.

When you got some naughty fluid,
Hidden where it shouldn't be.
Make out as if you're a Druid,
Now be a very good human b!


• Dedicated to Auntie G and Auntie S...
• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

Muse

I’ll watch you sleep,
To keep you safe.
To stop those who want to harm you.
The only thing I ask,
Is a kiss to show you care…


• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

I kissed a boy

I kissed a boy and I liked it.
I kissed him on the lips.
He didn't moan so he wanted me to,
So I did it again.

I kissed a boy and I liked it.
Then he kissed me back.
Now that I've been out with him,
He wants to get in the sack!



• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

Barbie's Baby

Barbie's baby
Pull her belly off
Baby comes prepackaged
Born without a cough!

Should've made it much more real
So Barbie has to push
But is our Barbie Just too posh?
Well Ken he was a lush!

I'm not a Barbie girl
I'm not a Barbie Boy
But after all is said and done
Barbie's just a toy...



• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

Incommunicado

Brian McCludget,
Young man of the world,
Into the river,
His cellphone had hurled.
Fed up,
With being in touch all the time.
Texting, e-mailing,
Were no longer sublime.
All that he wanted,
Some peace and quiet,
Now all the voicemail,
Was off of the diet.
But away from the calling,
He could not get.
With his landline caterwauling,
His nerves were upset.
And so his solution,
Which is not for all,
Was become a recluse,
Hide behind a wall!


• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

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• Dedicated to Me

• All poems written by J R A Gigney unless stated.

Location:Green Trees Ave,,United Kingdom

Essex Boy

I'm a broken hearted Essex Boy,
Who's got lots of love to give.
Who doesn't now know what to do,
Not even sure how I can live!

I'm a broken hearted Essex Boy,
Who just needs to have some love.
I know from where I'd like it,
But that hand may be in another's glove.

I'm a broken hearted Essex Boy,
Who knows not what to do.
I'm a broken hearted man,
Whose life's begun to unglue...

Location:Green Trees Ave,,United Kingdom